Years ago, when my oldest daughters were still alive and I was their full-time caregiver, I went to my doctor and asked her point blank, “Why am I so tired? Why am I exhausted ALL THE TIME?”

She proceeded to ask me the routine questions about my eating, sleeping, and exercising habits.

I realized that she had no way to know that the 30-year-old woman in front of her wasn’t just being dramatic. So I filled her in.

I told her about my two terminally ill daughters. Then I explained that I had rarely slept more than 2-3 hours at a time in the last 7 years because once upon a time they were normal, nursing babies but as they aged they become medically involved children with painful spasms that didn’t stop at night just because we needed to sleep. With a husband in the Army and an aging grandfather who also depended on me, I was tapped out and also really needed to keep going. So, no. I wasn’t the kind of tired that a nap or a salad or a nice walk could fix.

I was the kind of exhausted that could sleep for 12 hours the cold exam room floor if she’d just be kind enough to switch the lights off on her way out. The issue was obvious. I was weary and sleepy and spread too thin. No, I wasn’t just tired. I was sincerely EXHAUSTED.

How do you get a doctor to REALLY listen?

I needed her to hear me. Really hear me.

Gals like me don’t usually ask for help until we’re so depleted that we feel like there are no other options. So I said what I needed to say and then I let it sit for a bit while she processed. Then we started over. We talked about my lab work and how I could take better care of myself while still caring for my people.

I was doing my best, but I needed help. So I asked for it and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Life is different now and naps are something I enjoy every now and then. Maybe once a month, I find myself tired enough to shuffle my day around, give my kid the iPad, and allow myself an hour to nap. I set my alarm, crawl into my bed in the middle of the day, sandwich my head between two pillows, pull the covers up, and take the kind of nap that involves deep snoring and crazy dreams. And IT IS GOOD.

My kid’s brain hasn’t turned to complete mush and the rest of our day is always more manageable when I’m able to identify what I need and then make time for it. I didn’t have that ability for a long time, but I do now. It’s a privilege I don’t take for granted.

If you need a nap and have the ability to swing it, then YOU SHOULD TAKE A NAP. After work, at lunch, in your car in the Target parking lot. Whenever and wherever you can swing it, you totally should.

But what if you’re a different kind of tired?

If you’re the kind of tired that aches in your bones and a nap on the cold tile floor of a doctor’s office sounds like your idea of good time, then you should talk to someone. If there was a quick fix then you would have done it by now. Right? But sometimes it takes more than a nap. Sure, sure. You should try a salad and take a walk, but if you’re feeling desperately tired then it’s time for something more. Ask friends or family that you respect. Gather some recommendations.. Then make yourself an appointment.

Choose an MD, a nurse practitioner, a therapist, a psychologist, a chiropractor, or an osteopath. (For the record, I’ve seen all of these and they’ve each been helpful in their own right.) You do you, friend. Just make the time and give yourself a chance. There might be something that can help you be the best version of you and wouldn’t it be a shame to miss out on that?

You are worth the effort. Until then, here’s to a good nap.

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